Sew what?

There are some things in life to which I freely admit defeat. For one, I can't wrap a gift to save my life. I use too much tape, my wrapping style always develops air pockets, and I never cut the right amount of paper, leaving slivers of the original packaging visible to the naked eye. Gift bags were invented for people like me.

I am terrible at sports. Literally every single sport you can think of, down to the sports that can be found on a "Seniors Activity List" at your nearest Assisted Living home. I could blame my genes or a sheer apathy towards competition, but whatever it is, sideline benches were invented for people like me.

Recently I've discovered something else to add to my list. Apparently, I'm down right awful at sewing. Awful. A few months back, I mended a pair of workout pants and managed to sew up the hole... granted, through a tangle of knots and too much thread... still, I considered it a victory. What once was a gaping hole of cotton/spandex blend was now sewn shut! Hurrah!

Tonight I sat down to sew a button on my winter coat. I started feeling nervous about this venture a couple of days ago when the button fell off and I chased it through the kitchen. I can do this, I not-so-confidently thought to myself. I have a masters degree! I was the editor of a literary magazine in college! What's so hard about sewing a button?

*Shakes head*

Apparently a number of things. After about 30 minutes of reasonable attempts (i.e. watching DIY videos online), I ended up calling in the big guns: my mother. She tried to explain it to me over the phone. "It's really quite simple, Lizzie... just [this is where I begin to lose track of what she's saying and ask her to start over again twice]." Annoyed that even her "Maybe if you drew a picture of my directions" exercise didn't work, I went to the fridge to get a beer.

Take two didn't fare much better. While I had somehow managed to get the button to stay, I quickly realized they weren't lining up with the machine-sewn buttons. Finally I grabbed some scissors and cut out my hard work.

My original intention for this entry was to be about the joy that comes from finishing a task, especially one that was difficult. The thrill of "I did that!" and the satisfaction of a job well done. But that wasn't the case. At all. So instead, today's joie de vivre are alteration shops.

Invented for people like me.